Friendships Standing the Test of Time... Deeper into the Rabbit Hole
It’s interesting how some friendships blossom and maintain themselves over the course of time. One of my closest friends, Sam, and I only spent one year together during college, but we became life-long friends. At first, he thought I was this young, cocky, punk, which I was, and I thought he was this arrogant Texan. This animosity lasted a few months and we eventually found out that we had some things in common, but our friendship grew out of a mutual respect and admiration for one another. Sam is my wisest friend and the words he pours out is always insightful and refreshing. He’s also a sports fanatic like me, so we can talk about sports for hours. Honest, sincere, raw… crass yet respectful… spiritual yet grounded. I also respect him because he decided to work as a pharmacist before going to seminary and not developing a limited perspective on the world. Many other friends and I have spent more time together and have more experiences built up, but my friendship with Sam will stand the test of time and eternity.
Once you secure that foundation through bonding moments, difficult times together, strong common interests, or mutual admiration, a person can become a friend for life. Sometimes it takes years and sometimes several months. The more experiences and situations that test the friendship and allow you to see the true heart of that person can be enjoyable or disappointing. One of my former colleagues was someone I had great respect for. Bright as hell, nice guy, and had such an untarnished reputation. As we began working together, I thought this was someone I would be friends with. Not close friends since we didn’t have many common interests, but at least a friend. During the course of working with him, I saw a side of him I didn’t respect and found to be disturbing. He was very conscious of his image as a “nice guy” and his reputation to the point of affecting his decision-making as an executive within our company. I found him to be selfish to a degree which made my stomach queasy. Much of this behavior came about during the most difficult times of our company. When you’re in the heat of battle or sh*t hits the fan, I believe these are the times you see a person’s true character come out. After we overcame this period of the company’s growth, he left the firm. I know most of his past and present colleagues believe him to be a “nice guy and standup individual” and this probably will not change until they have gone into the trenches of war with him. I will never work with him again.
At the end of this month I will be standing in my tenth wedding and probably not my last. My close friend, Chung, who I’ve known since second grade is getting married. Just looking back I’ve been blessed with many awesome friendships and experiences that have allowed me to mold me current view on life and friends. My personality just lends itself to making friends easily, but I also believe it is a perspective I learned early in life to have a sincere interest in other people without any pride. I’ve been on various sides of the social square, so I’ve learned how arrogance can hurt a person and discrimination in any form is not beneficial to anyone. I’ve also learned to expect disappointment from friends to a certain degree. I expect people to disappoint me because I have disappointed people. I have learned to become forgiving or accepting of various behaviors and types of friendships. Of course there are behaviors, characteristics, and actions that I will not tolerate from my close friends. I also cannot do it to the degree of people like my father. I respect my father because I believe his patience is almost unlimited when it comes to his friends and people. Even when a friend painfully backstabs him, he still forgives them and treats them well. I would most likely be vengeful and keep a long memory.
Since college when I looked around and saw or heard about these broken friendships and how they unraveled I would become disappointed or sometimes I just think how immature or “high schoolish” the whole situation was. It’s funny because even though most of the people I work with, hangout with, or know are in their upper-20’s and mid-30’s, and some of their behavior seemingly hasn’t changed since high school or even grade school. Broken friendships, petty fights, and bitter hearts still occur well into our 30's... probably 40's and 50's, but I can't write from my experiences yet. It’s amazing that the level of maturity of a fair amount of people hasn’t changed since their youth. Social ineptitude surrounds us all.
In the end, I want to say that the friends that you make in life and the people that you influence are a reflection of how you lived your life and what you treasured. But I know this isn’t necessarily true. Some people just have difficulty in making friends. Some have been scarred by painful experiences. Others might have struck a balance with their careers, so they don’t have time to develop as many close relationships as they want to. Life is complex and how it reveals itself is not always a smooth process. All I can say is that people should cherish every friendship that they have and take the risks when you can to go deeper into that rabbit hole. Or stomp on the ground that you stand on and see who your friends really are and if those are the friendships you want for life. Life is short, so unless you desire to wander for life stake a claim in the land that you want. Expose yourself, bare your soul, and let the seeds grow.
"Be courteous to all, but intimate with few, and let those few be well tried before you give them your confidence. True friendship is a plant of slow grow, and must undergo and withstand the shocks of adversity before it is entitled to the appellation." - George Washington
"A friendship can weather most things and thrive in thin soil; but it needs a little mulch of letters and phone calls and small, silly presents every so often - just to save it from drying out completely." - Pam Brown