SPAM HAIKU
Love Only Hawaiians and Koreans Can Truly Feel

While going to the Blogger homepage I saw in the "Blogs of Note" column a "Spam Poetry" blog. My stomach jumped and a tingle of excitement went through my body. Upon visiting the site, disappointment rapidly flowed through me. It was a site of poetry made from spam emails not about the oddly delicious mystery meat that captivates the state of Hawaii and the nation of South Korea... largest consumers of spam.

Anyway, so this reminded me of haikus on spam I saw a while back and Googled it to find the original one by Michael Lubic (edited for space):


Blue can of steel
What promise do you hold?
Salt flesh so ripe

Can of metal, slick
Soft center, so cool, moistening
I yearn for your salt

Silent, former pig
One communal awareness
Myriad pink bricks

You wait to feed me
Stoic vigil on the shelf
Ah my vibrant pink

Jelly for mortar
Seven hundred tins and more
I build a Spam house

Above all others
Porcine treat without equal
There is but one Spam

Clad in metal, proud
No mere salt-curing for you
You are not bacon

And who dares mock Spam?
You? you? you are not worthy
Of one rich pink fleck

Grotesque pinkish mass
In a blue can on a shelf
Quivering alone

Like some spongy rock
A granite, my piece of Spam
In sunlight on my plate

Oh Argentina!
Your little tin of meat soars
Above the pampas

Little slab of meat
In a wash of clear jelly
Now I heat the pan

Oh tin of pink meat
I ponder what you may be:
Snout or ear or feet?

Pink tender morsel
Glistening with salty gel
What the hell is it?

Ears, snouts, and innards,
A homogenous mass
Pass another slice

Cube of cold pinkness
Yellow specks of porcine fat
Give me a spork please

Old man seeks doctor
"I eat Spam daily", he says.
Angioplasty

Highly unnatural
The tortured shape of this "food"
A small pink coffin

Slicing your sweet self
Salivating in suspense
Sizzle, sizzle..Spam

Pink beefy temptress
I can no longer remain
Vegetarian


I think my Ode to Bacon is slightly better, but that is a writer's bias.