North Pole Diet

Hanging out with some friends I grew up with in Chicago today, and we were recalling last week during my brother's rehearsal dinner how my friend Hamon was making fun of our close friend's wife, Vicki, on her attempt at the South Beach Diet. Vicki was talking about how she "allows herself" to eat carbs on the weekends. My friend Hamon, who has a witty and sometimes off-the-wall sense of humor, found it amusing that she wasn't saying she was cheating, but that she "allowed herself" so he started to make fun of her.

"Vicki, that's not the South Beach Diet... it sounds more like the North of Miami diet... you're not following the elements of the South Beach Diet... sounds a little off geographically..."

He kept making jokes while Vicki and others were laughing at our table.

Along the same lines, today when we were discussing this I realized my diet was special too in relation to the South Beach Diet. I decided to call mine the North Pole Diet for those that want to get fat like Santa Claus. Instead of high protein, low carb or no carbs and then a "balanced" diet, my diet plan consists of high fat, high protein, and high carbs. Also feel free to add any other food groups to this diet. This is the most adaptable in the world and to any lifestyle. Guaranteed. For example, some of my daily meals over the past couple weeks include:

Breakfast... Egg McMuffin, two hash browns, steak & egg bagel, large orange juice. Another day I had a three-egg omelette with ham, cheese, onion, mushrooms, green peppers with a side of three sausages and ham. OJ and tomato, but then I felt like pancakes so I ordered them too.

Lunch... I went to El Taurino's in LA, which has some of the best mexican fast food I've ever had, and ordered a steak burrito and two tacos. Today I had a bacon cheeseburger with grilled onions and buffalo sauce (Buffalo Joe's), a order of buffalo wings, spicy cheedar chips, and a gut RC cola.

Dinner... a full slab of ribs (St. Louis style) and an order of beef brisket. Five cokes, bread, and other people's leftover ribs and cole slaw.

Anyway, eating like this will might not produce the same results as Atkin's or the South Beach Diet, but it will surely make you happier and feeling healthier for a short period of time... the North Pole Diet. Ho! Ho! Ho!